My Guilty Pleasure

I don't have desire to pay for cable, so generally I watch all of my television via Netflix or Hulu. However, the only problem with this decision is that I miss out on a lot of new content, and typically will only see things months later because of rampant word-of-mouth. This has lead me to watching quite a bit of television at my parents' when I come over to eat their food and nap on their couch on my Sunday afternoon visits.

For the past few weeks, I have been watching A LOT of History Channel, and more specifically one of their newer dramas:

Simply unbelievable.Here is the basic premise of Swamp People according to Wikipedia:

Swamp People is a documentary television series on the History Channel that follows Cajuns living in the Atchafalaya River Basin swamp in Louisiana, USA who hunt American Alligators for a living. The series premiered August 22, 2010 and set a ratings record for History.

Alligator season in Louisiana begins on the first Wednesday in September and lasts 30 days. In this time limit, many of the alligator hunters, following a tradition dating back 300 years, earn most of their yearly income in a high risk vocation dependent on experience and the whims of weather within strict regulation by wildlife laws. 

I'll be honest here, the reason why I have taken a liking to this show is simple:

• Cajuns.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats attempting to shoot alligators.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats attempting to shoot alligators while swearing heavily.

I urge you to do yourself a favor and watch at least ONE episode of this rediculous show.

My Changing Body

For over a decade, I've had the "skill" of being able to fluctuate my voice enough to be able to mimick pop songs. Such favorites included:

• Nelly - "Hot in Herre"
• Jessica Simpson - "A Public Affair"
• Will Smith - "Here Come the Men in Black"

Last night however, while driving home, I discovered that the days of my falsetto voice being able to carry any tune may unfortunately be over. This troubling fact can only mean one thing:

I, Jesse Zakshesky, 1.5 months away from my 23rd birthday, am going through puberty.

He and I are sharing more and more similarities as the months go on.

So, I had a dream last night...

DISCLAIMER:

YOU WILL LOVE THIS ARTICLE IF: You cried openly after the Green Bay Packers won Superbowl XLV.

YOU WILL HATE THIS ARTICLE IF: Seeing emotional, obnoxious "adults" screaming loudly about grown men playing with a pig's bladder made you worry about the current state of humanity.

It's been a few weeks since the Green Bay Packers' thrilling victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers. However, football season is now unfortunately over (perhaps for a long time when you consider a possible lockout) and I'm eagerly awaiting the 2011 NFL Draft. Long story short: Football is on my mind. It only makes sense that something that I'm so passionate about now has entered my subconscious, and I'm now going to discuss the best idea I've ever had.

Going to a Chicago Cubs vs. Chicago White Sox baseball game, wearing Packer jerseys and cheeseheads, and totally alienating the people around us.

What I'm proposing is simple:

1. Get a group of people together that share my Packer fanaticism
2. Purchase tickets to a Cubs/White Sox baseball game
3. Drive down to Chicago wearing Packer gear
4. Tailgate outside the stadium for hours, heckling Chicago-area fans. Do Lambeau Leaps into the back of our vehicles.
5. Lil Wayne's "Green and Yellow" playing. Constantly.
6. Enter stadium, after enjoying some adult beverages
7. Basic plan for the 9 innings of baseball (~3.5 hours):
   
   • "Go Pack Go" chants...often, and loudly.
   • Hold signs that say: "Welcome to Lambeau Field South."
   • Make a lot of "Da Bears" jokes. A LOT of them.
   • Ask the people around us who their favorite Packers are.
   • Give out some cheeseheads and trading cards to little kids in hopes of angering their depressed parents who have been Cubs fans all their lives, and likely will never witness a championship. Ever.
   • Advertise the many attractions of Wisconsin; state parks, resorts, haunted houses, etc.
   • When the game is over, raise our replica Super Bowl trophies, and in unision exclaim, "The Vince Lombardi trophy is coming home!"
8. Post-game festivities:
   
   • If the game took place at Wrigley Field, spend the night, explore Michigan Avenue, dine at the restaurants, and have an overall great night.
   • If the game took place at U.S. Celluar Field, leave, and as QUICKLY as possible. Let's be honest here, we are in South Chicago, and statistically speaking, the odds of us getting shot are quite high...especially after angering so many people.

That's essentially it. The fans of the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox vehemently hate eachother. However, I feel that they could somehow put their differences aside and direct their anger at us instead. I honestly believe that we have been too respectful of the Bears fans since they lost to the Packers a few weeks ago, and letting them off the hook simply isn't right. If interested, get ahold of me, and we'll start planning the weekend trip of our lives.

In spite of Scott Walker being our governor, I'm still really proud to be a Wisconsinite.

You have no idea how immensely I want to wear my Ray Nitschke jersey in Chicago.

2010-2011 Green Bay Packers: Folk Heroes

Yay!

Woo-Hoo!

Boy howdy!

The Packers are going to the Superbowl! This is exciting news for me not only because of my favorite sports franchise making yet another attempt at glory, but because two men, who have become Wisconsin folk heroes, have a chance to shine on the grandest stage in American sports.

1. John Kuhn
2. B.J. Raji

Everybody who follows this team is already familiar with Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, and Charles Woodson for obvious reasons. They are remarkably great at each of their respective positions and because of that, (and because girls find them attractive, let's be honest) they find their likenesses on many jerseys across the State of Wisconsin and are paid quite a bit of money. However, the two aforementioned men, Kuhn and Raji, are two examples of the backbone of this organization. They do a lot of the dirty work that doesn't show up on ESPN, and tend to only be recognized by people like me, who spend hours on the internet reading about obscure tidbits of "knowledge" that nobody really needs to to be aware of. Because of that, seeing them being thrust into a position to make a name for themselves, and gaining the notoriety of the loyal fanbase that supports them has quite simply been a joy to witness.

A week ago, I watched the Divisional Playoff Game at Buffalo Wild Wings, and whenever John Kuhn even touched the ball, the hundreds of Packer fans in attendance, the majority of whom enjoying WAY too many Leinenkugel's at that point, in unison would chant his last name. Seeing this beast of a human being rumble and hurdle his way into the endzone never gets old.

Quite simply the best jersey ever created.

During that same game, B.J. Raji made his first appearance as fullback. After the running back scored, who coincidently enough was John Kuhn, history was made. Raji, and his 335 pound frame began to dance. Fast forward to today, on a pivotal play in a game that really shouldn't have been as close as it was, B.J. Raji again found himself in a play making position. After catching the ball, probably by instinct considering it may or may not have looked like a porkchop, Raji ran 18 yards into the endzone and again began to dance, a dance that with every passing moment is becoming known simply as "The Raji."

Look, we all have our favorite players for different reasons, but let's just take a moment to appreciate John Kuhn and B.J. Raji for all the hard, dirty work they do behind the scenes.

1. John Kuhn, a converted fullback, earns the majority of his paycheck by blocking very large, very angry men. All day.
2. B.J. Raji plays nosetackle in a 3-4 defense. His job, literally, is to be fat, be strong, and eat up A LOT of space so people like Clay Matthews can wreak havok on opposing players.

I want to see Raji dance one more time, on that giant screen in Arlington, Texas, on February 6th, 2011.

ESPN has ruined my ability to communicate

The commercial posted above has singlehandedly brought back my southern accent and is the sole reason why I now respect the University of Alabama. I sincerely apologize in advance to everybody I talk to on a regular basis because I wholeheartedly plan on ending EVERY statement, sentence, phrase and anecdote from this point forward with ROLL TIDE. 

I wasn't aware that elephants are indigenous to Alabama.