Jesse Zakshesky: A Liar and a Thief

I would say that I'm a pretty straight-forward guy. Typically, I speak my mind with no worry about what people may think. That fact leads to me not having to hold on to a lot of secrets.

Except one.

When I moved to the great state of Wisconsin in fifth grade, there was a cultural phenomenon occurring on an international scale: Harry Potter. I started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone while in fourth grade, and like the rest of the country, was hooked. So, one would safely assume that I would continue reading the rest of this critically-acclaimed series. 

Nope.

Even at that age, I had an uncanny desire to be different, so as much as I wanted to continue reading Harry Potter,  I felt a relentless urge to read other things, which lead to me to sports biographies, paranormal accounts, and this little thing called The Lord of the Rings. However, in spite of all this "other reading" I was doing, I was still curious about Harry Potter.

This leads us to seventh grade, when I committed theft.

At this point in my life, I had an elitist attitude towards anybody who read Harry Potter, and literally bullied them to make myself feel better. This of course was to cover my insecure tracks because in reality, I really, really wanted to read Harry Potter. Late in seventh grade, I simply couldn't take it anymore. 

It was study hall, and half of us were reading, the other half was talking, and then there was me, masterminding my heist. For the past 3 periods that day, I was stalking a fellow classmates' copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and I knew I was eventually going to steal it...I just didn't know when or how. But my opponent got up, and left my prize alone, unattended. I quickly switched into attack mode, and swiftly snatched up that book with one hand and jammed it as far down my backpack as possible with the other. 

So there you go, even in spite of not reading the second book in the series, I read that entire novel in a day in a half. The really funny part was that I read it in the very study hall I stole it from, I simply put a book cover over it. After finishing the book, which I generally enjoyed, I felt guilty about having it, so I really didn't have a desire to continue reading Harry Potter, and that was the final iteration of it that I ever attempted to consume. From that summer on, I went back to my old ways, belittling people who liked the series, and eventually the films. It's only fitting that the only film adaptation of the series I ever watched also was Azkaban, which I felt inclined to see, but after viewing it, I really lost all interest in keeping up with the web of deception I created.

You may be wondering why I'm coming clean like this. Allow me to elaborate. I actually ran into the guy I stole this book from at a bar recently, and I realized that if I were to ever see him again, especially under the influence of alcohol, I would probably feel compelled to embarrass myself publicly, so let's avoid that. 

And more importantly, I really feel this story is quite entertaining.

Mike Slinde, I'm sorry I stole your damn book. If you want it back, let me know.

Harry Potter is the most over-rated series of all time.