Let me preface this entry by stating that I'm not peddling religion at all. The goal of this article is not to advocate Christianity, but merely to summarize the Old Testament...quite possibly the most action packed, balls-to-the-wall collection of stories ever written. There are many reasons as to why the Bible is the top selling piece of literature of all time, however if it wasn't for the Old Testament, it would lose the majority of its muster. Since there really isn't one, let me create a Table of Contents to further exemplify and organize my personal favorites:

1. Adam and Eve: 2 semi-naked individuals living in a beautiful forest...with Satan masquerading as a talking snake.
2. Cain and Abel: Humanity's first reported acts of jealousy and murder.
3. Tower of Babel: Mankind's failed attempt to build a tower high enough to reach Heaven.
4. Noah: 500 year old man builds giant boat because the ENTIRE PLANET IS FLOODED.
5. Moses: Masterminds rescue of slaves, defies a pharaoh with supernatural help, and wanders around the desert for 40 years. During these 40 years, he talks to a burning bush, creates the Ten Commandments, and kills many Egyptians.
6. Various plagues: Throughout the Old Testament, God gets angry and successfully kills thousands of us.
7. Elijah: Raised the dead, brought fire down from the sky, and ascended into Heaven in a whirlwind...all while riding a chariot of fire.
8. Sodom and Gomorrah: The citizens of these cities were destroyed by "brimstone and fire from the Lord out of Heaven."
9. Destruction of Jericho: Approaching Jericho, Joshua encounters a mysterious man who explains that he is the commander of God’s army but that he is neither for nor against Israel. Joshua pays homage to the man and passes on. Following divine instructions, Joshua leads the Israelites in carrying the Ark around Jericho for six days. On the seventh day, the Israelites march around the city seven times. Joshua rallies them to conquer the city and kill everyone except for a man named Rahab. This right here could make for an awesome movie.
10. Samson: (directly from Wikipedia page) Samson is a Herculean figure, who is granted tremendous strength by God to combat his enemies and perform heroic feats unachievable by ordinary humans:^[4] wrestling a lion,^[3][5][6][7] slaying an entire army with only a donkey jawbone,^{[2][3][6][7][8]} and destroying a temple.^[1][3][7]
11. David: A mere and simple shepard who gets in a fight with a giant and severs his head. He becomes a hero and eventually becomes king. Ultimately, the power becomes to much to handle, and he angers God (a recurring theme in the Old Testament) which leads to his son getting killed.

There are MANY more examples of these "Tales of Testosterone" but I don't feel like looking all of them up. However, if I had my way and owned a movie studio, this is what would happen:

• James Cameron already made Titanic, how about Noah's Ark?
• Roland Emmerich, a man who already has destroyed countless numbers of cities, would be the right man to properly leave Soddom and Gomorrah in a smoldering pile of rubble.
• Michael Bay has a great mixture of dumb humor combined with the CG experience needed to properly destroy the city of Jericho in an entertaining manner.

I'm currently accepting donations. Lets make these cinematic masterpieces happen.

I could totally see Tom Cruise in the role of David. Too bad he's a Scientologist.