I've officially eaten at Parthenon Gyros too many times

Anybody who knows me personally understands that I have an insatiable addiction to Parthenon Gyros. Not only is the food sublime, but the Europop is second to none. 

Long story short, my Shazam app has gotten A LOT better at identifying international hits. 

WARNING: This song is EXTREMELY catchy and likely will be stuck in your head until you wake up tomorrow morning.

Update on Friday, May 18, 2012 at 5:13PM by Jesse Zakshesky

FYI: THE ABOVE POSTED SONG, HENCEFORTH, SHALL BE KNOWN AS THE GYRO ANTHEM.

Why I love St. Patty's

I'm not Irish, but I love the music associated with its culture.

a drink to peace between the nations from recordbodycount on 8tracks.

"To me it looks like a leprechaun to me, all you got to do is look up in the tree. Who all seen the leprechaun say yeaaaa!!"

I wanna know where da gold at.

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.

An Open Letter to Checkers and Rally's Hamburgers, Inc

Until the age of 9, I lived in the Tampa-St. Petersburg-Clearwater Metropolitan Statistical Area. With the exception of a few friends and family members, the temperate tropical weather, and frolicking away aimlessly at the beach, it's safe to say that my parents' decision to move me up to Madison, Wisconsin was the finest decision they could have ever made with regards to my upbringing. The opportunities presented in the Midwest compared to what I would have been familiar with down in Florida are literally night and day. However, once every couple of months or so, I find myself yearning with lust and desire.

There is a fast food chain known simply as Checkers that is very prevalent in my former homeland. These restaurants serve the best fries that have ever graced my lips, and as great as the food is up here in Wisconsin, nothing quite compares.

Until the Summer of 2009, I was under the impression that the only opportunities I would ever have to taste the delectable grease that Checkers has to offer would be if I were to vacation down in the South. However, 2.5 years ago my life changed when I was told that there are in fact two locations in the Milwaukee metropolitan area. To put it bluntly, I ate A LOT of Checkers that glorious summer. Be that as it may, I was a lot older then than when I was 9, and was more informed about social demographics. What I'm trying to say is this:

To eat at Checkers, I have to travel to impoverished areas, literally festering with crime and narcotic use.

I would risk my damn life for these fries, Yo.

It is not my intention to sound like a complete douchebag, but I was raised in an extremely sheltered community in the suburbs of Madison, Wisconsin, one of the most progressive cities not only in the Midwest, but in the entire country. To the best of my knowledge, I did not grow up around crack deals, shootings, and prostitution rings. It's definitely a culture shock when I roll up to the drive-thru craving burgers, naively oblivious to the fact that I get to go back to a safe community in a matter of hours, while the majority of the customers and employees do not share the same fate.

In the past three years, both recreationally and traveling for my job, I've encountered three Checkers locations in Wisconsin. Since I'm a complete nerd who takes my desire for hedonism too far, I did a little research. Both Checkers and Rally's are owned by Wellspring Capital Management, and I have a simple, selfish request to ask them:

Please open more of these fine establishments in safer areas that I feel more comfortable visiting with friends and family. Seeing crack being smoked and women selling their bodies makes me feel awkward while I'm stuffing my gullet with burgers, wings, and fries.

Yours truly,

Jesse Zakshesky 

So, I had a dream last night...

DISCLAIMER:

YOU WILL LOVE THIS ARTICLE IF: You cried openly after the Green Bay Packers won Superbowl XLV.

YOU WILL HATE THIS ARTICLE IF: Seeing emotional, obnoxious "adults" screaming loudly about grown men playing with a pig's bladder made you worry about the current state of humanity.

It's been a few weeks since the Green Bay Packers' thrilling victory over the Pittsburgh Steelers. However, football season is now unfortunately over (perhaps for a long time when you consider a possible lockout) and I'm eagerly awaiting the 2011 NFL Draft. Long story short: Football is on my mind. It only makes sense that something that I'm so passionate about now has entered my subconscious, and I'm now going to discuss the best idea I've ever had.

Going to a Chicago Cubs vs. Chicago White Sox baseball game, wearing Packer jerseys and cheeseheads, and totally alienating the people around us.

What I'm proposing is simple:

1. Get a group of people together that share my Packer fanaticism
2. Purchase tickets to a Cubs/White Sox baseball game
3. Drive down to Chicago wearing Packer gear
4. Tailgate outside the stadium for hours, heckling Chicago-area fans. Do Lambeau Leaps into the back of our vehicles.
5. Lil Wayne's "Green and Yellow" playing. Constantly.
6. Enter stadium, after enjoying some adult beverages
7. Basic plan for the 9 innings of baseball (~3.5 hours):
   
   • "Go Pack Go" chants...often, and loudly.
   • Hold signs that say: "Welcome to Lambeau Field South."
   • Make a lot of "Da Bears" jokes. A LOT of them.
   • Ask the people around us who their favorite Packers are.
   • Give out some cheeseheads and trading cards to little kids in hopes of angering their depressed parents who have been Cubs fans all their lives, and likely will never witness a championship. Ever.
   • Advertise the many attractions of Wisconsin; state parks, resorts, haunted houses, etc.
   • When the game is over, raise our replica Super Bowl trophies, and in unision exclaim, "The Vince Lombardi trophy is coming home!"
8. Post-game festivities:
   
   • If the game took place at Wrigley Field, spend the night, explore Michigan Avenue, dine at the restaurants, and have an overall great night.
   • If the game took place at U.S. Celluar Field, leave, and as QUICKLY as possible. Let's be honest here, we are in South Chicago, and statistically speaking, the odds of us getting shot are quite high...especially after angering so many people.

That's essentially it. The fans of the Chicago Cubs and Chicago White Sox vehemently hate eachother. However, I feel that they could somehow put their differences aside and direct their anger at us instead. I honestly believe that we have been too respectful of the Bears fans since they lost to the Packers a few weeks ago, and letting them off the hook simply isn't right. If interested, get ahold of me, and we'll start planning the weekend trip of our lives.

In spite of Ed Gein being born here, I'm still really proud to be a Wisconsinite.

You have no idea how immensely I want to wear my Ray Nitschke jersey in Chicago.

Spontaneity + Laziness = $

Anybody that has known me for any considerable amount of time understands that I truly love food, and also greatly enjoy cooking my own meals. I love trying new dishes. However, I also seek out familiar classics such as gargantuan-sized portions of steaks, sandwiches, burgers, and breakfasts. Since I've been of legal age, I've also throughly enjoyed mixing my own drinks, and buying German-inspired brews for my own consumption at home. If you have ANY sort of economic prowess, you understand that attempting to eat and drink at home is CONSIDERABLY cheaper than doing the same at restaurants and bars. Clearly, going out is definitely a great way of being social and trying new things, and doing so a couple times a week is expected and endorsed. 

Keyword on a couple.

Hi, my name is Jesse Zakshesky, and lately, I've been too lazy to buy groceries. When you combine that with the fact that I get incredibly hungry ALL THE TIME, desperation ensues. This problem usually is escalated when I have had a few of these "drinks" I was talking about above, which lately have been purchased at bars instead of being found in my refrigerator and/or liquor collection. The really sad part is that I've worked part time at a damn grocery store for the past 5 years, so I really can't complain about it being "too far away."

My roommates and close friends challenged me to document, for a week, how much I spend on food and drinks in hopes that I will prove a point to myself about how much money I shell out on a whim. And lucky for you, I'm sharing this data with the public as well. 

Guys, seriously, go to Flemings.

Allow me to elaborate on some of the aforementioned data: 

• Eric and I really, REALLY love Silver Mine Subs.
• The eggnog purchase was completely ridiculous considering that I've never had it before, ever. Luckily, it was amazing and I plan on having a lot more this month.
• The gyros at Parthenon would've never happened had it not been for the over consumption of eggnog/rum a few hours prior.
• Thursday's meal technically was planned. Also, if you live in Madison, try Flemings. Now.
• The grand total could've been A LOT higher considering the fact that I didn't go to any bars this week. Thank you winter. 

If you excuse me, I'm going to go reevaluate my life, probably at a bar, and afterwards at Qdoba.