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Entries in Badassery (8)


Real Men of Genius

Allow me to state this upfront, after trying the many iterations of Budweiser products -- ranging from Bud Light Lime to Michelob -- I can honestly say that this so called "beer" is comparable to horse urine in terms of flavor. With that said however, the marketing team for Anheuser-Busch...those guys are champions.

From the "Bud. Weis. Er" amphibians, up to those adorable Clydesdale ponies (which probably explains why the beer tastes like horse piss in the first place), it has become evident that these brewers from St. Louis, Missouri are not messing around. The finest example of the Budweiser marketing prowess would likely be their early 2000s advertising campaign, Real Men of Genius.

My personal favorite is the "Mr. Golfball Washer Inventor" ad. Seriously, guys. Google that ad.


Super Mario Kart: A Scouting Report

Approximately three weeks ago, I hooked up my Super Nintendo. While I no longer am an avid gamer, I'd say every six months or so, an inherently primal urge to play Super Mario Kart consumes me. During my latest 16-bit relapse, I decided that I would document key observations regarding the pros and cons of all eight characters featured in this amazing game.

Needless to say, I'm pretty proud of this.

Between hours of game time (honestly...hours. I'm slightly embarrassed to admit this) and data from a few websites as source material, I have formulated a somewhat comprehensive Super Mario Kart scouting report.

I have a strong affinity towards Princess Peach for reasons that I will not disclose publicly.

During the duration of my Super Mario Kart career, my character of choice has historically been Bowser. A few quick notes as to why that is:

  • Slow acceleration, but incredible top speed.
  • High weight allows for great handling. Important on tracks such as Ghost Valley or Rainbow Road where falling off the track is likely. 
  • High weight also allows for situations in which bullying smaller characters is possible. 
  • For some reason, I'm really good with lava ball shots. I always have been.

Perhaps in the future I may decide to expand upon this post with a descriptive scouting report on the various tracks, but that really sounds exhausting. With that said, I sincerely urge any of you to venture to my apartment and challenge me at this game. I'm not even kidding. I don't have many opportunities to play Battle Mode that often anymore, which is unfortunate.

Source Material:

A quick note on Rainbow Road: Shigeru Miyamoto, you are a legendary game developer. The industry will forever be indebted to you. However, that godforsaken track has ruined my life.


The Muffuletta Sandwich: A Tribute

Via Wikipedia: 

A traditional style muffuletta sandwich consists of a muffuletta loaf split horizontally and covered with layers of marinated olive salad, mortadella, salami, mozzarella, ham, and provolone. The sandwich is sometimes heated to soften the provolone."

After doing extensive research, I discovered that this incredible sandwich made its debut at Central Grocery, a New Orleans speciality market which opened in 1906. As is the case with most larger-than-life sandwiches which have become mainstays amongst their fans for generations, the Muffuletta was conceived to feed very hungry individuals from a wide selection of ingredients. Central Grocery's owner at the time, Salvatore Lupo, noticed that some of his regulars struggled with deciding on their usual lunch of bread, salamis, cheese and olives. To avoid this conundrum during busy hours, he devised the idea to combine them all into one sandwich. Because such engineering would require immense structural integrity, Salvatore Lupo realized that simply choosing wheat bread would be a complete disaster, but also understood that using toasted Italian bread would be too difficult to bite into. As a remedy, Mr. Lupo looked muffeletta bread.

A muffeletta is a round Sicilian sesame bread, typically 10 inches in diameter, and sometimes flattened to make handling easier.

Until the 1960's, The Muffeletta Sandwich (as it became to be known), mostly remained popular only to residents of New Orleans. However, around the same time that Neil Armstrong made his first "small steps," these sandwiches became quite popular in various Italian communities across the country, most specifically the Chicago and New York markets.

On a personal note, my first taste of a muffeletta sandwich (albeit a variety that isn't completely accurate with Salvatore Lupo's creation) took place at Schlotzsky's Deli. First founded in 1971, Schlotzsky's has been offering their take of the sandwich -- known as The Original -- for over 40 years. My dad first took me to a Schlotzsky's Deli in 1998, and I have been a fan of The Original ever since.

However, if you ever find your self in N'awlins, I strongly urge you to make your way to Central Grocery to taste a sandwich that has been delighting customers for the past century. I did so myself back in February of this year, and it was a true honor and privilege.

DISCLAIMER: While I'm not being paid to write this article, I would endorse some sort of reward for doing so. Perhaps a free sandwich?

Obligatory food porn.


The Last Ride

Today I told my team that this will be my last ride.” - Ray Lewis on January 2nd, 2013.

So much determination.

Ray Lewis is one of my favorite athletes of all time. The news of his retirement REALLY sucks for me. Instead of a feeble attempt on my part to articulate his amazing career with words, I recommend you instead watch the video embedded below. It does a FAR superior job of honoring this man's 17 years of greatness than I ever could.


Felix Baumgartner: A Man Amongst Boys


Baumgartner expects to exceed the speed of sound – about 700 mph at that altitude – during a free fall that will last about five minutes, something no one has ever done. For all our knowledge about high-altitude flight and space travel, there’s still a lot we don’t know about what would happen if a pilot aborts a mission and ejects at the edge of the atmosphere. The air is so thin at such heights that it is easy to tumble out of control, a situation that can lead to unconsciousness and even death."

Felix Baumgartner, stepping into the void from 71,580 feet during a test jump in March. The Austrian adventurer plans a record-setting jump from 120,000 feet on Tuesday.