Two Miniseries you need to watch

In the highly unlikely scenario where you find yourself asking:

Hey, I wonder what that Jesse Zakshesky fellow has been up to...I should read his blog to find out!

...the following two trailers should properly explain why I haven't even logged into this stupid website in a month.

Normally I would go on a half-witted attempt to sound somewhat intelligent or funny, but you should really go to wherever it is that you get your video content, likely listed below, and pass out on your couch for a few weeks.

• Netflix (If you haven't cancelled your membership yet)
• Hulu (If you enjoy ads from Kraft foods)
• Blockbuster (LOL!)
• Illegal underground torrent trackers (You likely already downloaded these videos, whether you meant to or not.)

You're welcome. 

My Guilty Pleasure

I don't have desire to pay for cable, so generally I watch all of my television via Netflix or Hulu. However, the only problem with this decision is that I miss out on a lot of new content, and typically will only see things months later because of rampant word-of-mouth. This has lead me to watching quite a bit of television at my parents' when I come over to eat their food and nap on their couch on my Sunday afternoon visits.

For the past few weeks, I have been watching A LOT of History Channel, and more specifically one of their newer dramas:

Simply unbelievable.Here is the basic premise of Swamp People according to Wikipedia:

Swamp People is a documentary television series on the History Channel that follows Cajuns living in the Atchafalaya River Basin swamp in Louisiana, USA who hunt American Alligators for a living. The series premiered August 22, 2010 and set a ratings record for History.

Alligator season in Louisiana begins on the first Wednesday in September and lasts 30 days. In this time limit, many of the alligator hunters, following a tradition dating back 300 years, earn most of their yearly income in a high risk vocation dependent on experience and the whims of weather within strict regulation by wildlife laws. 

I'll be honest here, the reason why I have taken a liking to this show is simple:

• Cajuns.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats attempting to shoot alligators.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats attempting to shoot alligators while swearing heavily.

I urge you to do yourself a favor and watch at least ONE episode of this rediculous show.

2010-2011 Green Bay Packers: Folk Heroes

Yay!

Woo-Hoo!

Boy howdy!

The Packers are going to the Superbowl! This is exciting news for me not only because of my favorite sports franchise making yet another attempt at glory, but because two men, who have become Wisconsin folk heroes, have a chance to shine on the grandest stage in American sports.

1. John Kuhn
2. B.J. Raji

Everybody who follows this team is already familiar with Aaron Rodgers, Clay Matthews, and Charles Woodson for obvious reasons. They are remarkably great at each of their respective positions and because of that, (and because girls find them attractive, let's be honest) they find their likenesses on many jerseys across the State of Wisconsin and are paid quite a bit of money. However, the two aforementioned men, Kuhn and Raji, are two examples of the backbone of this organization. They do a lot of the dirty work that doesn't show up on ESPN, and tend to only be recognized by people like me, who spend hours on the internet reading about obscure tidbits of "knowledge" that nobody really needs to to be aware of. Because of that, seeing them being thrust into a position to make a name for themselves, and gaining the notoriety of the loyal fanbase that supports them has quite simply been a joy to witness.

A week ago, I watched the Divisional Playoff Game at Buffalo Wild Wings, and whenever John Kuhn even touched the ball, the hundreds of Packer fans in attendance, the majority of whom enjoying WAY too many Leinenkugel's at that point, in unison would chant his last name. Seeing this beast of a human being rumble and hurdle his way into the endzone never gets old.

Quite simply the best jersey ever created.

During that same game, B.J. Raji made his first appearance as fullback. After the running back scored, who coincidently enough was John Kuhn, history was made. Raji, and his 335 pound frame began to dance. Fast forward to today, on a pivotal play in a game that really shouldn't have been as close as it was, B.J. Raji again found himself in a play making position. After catching the ball, probably by instinct considering it may or may not have looked like a porkchop, Raji ran 18 yards into the endzone and again began to dance, a dance that with every passing moment is becoming known simply as "The Raji."

Look, we all have our favorite players for different reasons, but let's just take a moment to appreciate John Kuhn and B.J. Raji for all the hard, dirty work they do behind the scenes.

1. John Kuhn, a converted fullback, earns the majority of his paycheck by blocking very large, very angry men. All day.
2. B.J. Raji plays nosetackle in a 3-4 defense. His job, literally, is to be fat, be strong, and eat up A LOT of space so people like Clay Matthews can wreak havok on opposing players.

I want to see Raji dance one more time, on that giant screen in Arlington, Texas, on February 6th, 2011.

The 1st Annual Zakshesky Urban Safari

WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS INCREDIBLY, INCREDIBLY STUPID. I APOLOGIZE IN ADVANCE.

In the great state of Wisconsin, during the month of November, thousands upon thousands of men go on a yearly pilgrimage into the woods accompanied by their survival skills, high-powered rifles, and an insatiable thirst for blood (and beer, of course). Their mission is simple: to kill “The Buck.” These hunters take pride in passing down stories of years past, such as traversing secluded forests, and they normally have the same routines every year, which were forged by previous generations. All this history usually leads to stronger family bonds, and these tales inspire younger generations to continue the campaign every fall. It truly is inspiring, and is MUCH more than “a bunch of blood-thirsty rednecks getting drunk while driving ATVs recklessly through northern Wisconsin.” This leads us to me. I would love to take part in this yearly tradition, but let’s be honest, there are three things holding me back.

It’s really early, it’s really cold, and it would be a grave mistake to put a gun in my hands.

However, this does not mean I shouldn’t be able to hunt, and this most certainly does not quench the desire I have to kill some animals. If you are my close friend, and have been to my apartment on various occasions, you know of a certain mythical creature that has been taunting me over the months. I’ve seen this beast a multitude of times over the summer, however, he’s been avoiding me as of late...until 7:30pm on the evening of the 22nd of November. As you’ll see in the blurry photo below, my neighborhood on the east side of Madison is being terrorized by a demonic creature, and if I have my way, he will die.

The true face of evil.

I don’t have any guns, but this does not mean I’m weaponless. Without going into detail on how I obtained it, I have acquired a pitchfork last summer, and already have an extensive collection of knives, axes, and most importantly, hard liquor. There really isn't a reason as to why this disgusting possum has a chance to live. Furthermore, I genuinely believe that we can experience the same enthusiasm and forge our own tradition by killing the savage creatures that roam Suburbia. If you, or anybody you know feels the same urges as I do, I plead with you to join me on my quest. I'm an easy guy to get a hold of.

I will not relinquish until I have spilled blood.

Jesse Zakshesky: A Liar and a Thief

I would say that I'm a pretty straight-forward guy. Typically, I speak my mind with no worry about what people may think. That fact leads to me not having to hold on to a lot of secrets.

Except one.

When I moved to the great state of Wisconsin in fifth grade, there was a cultural phenomenon occurring on an international scale: Harry Potter. I started reading Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone while in fourth grade, and like the rest of the country, was hooked. So, one would safely assume that I would continue reading the rest of this critically-acclaimed series. 

Nope.

Even at that age, I had an uncanny desire to be different, so as much as I wanted to continue reading Harry Potter,  I felt a relentless urge to read other things, which lead to me to sports biographies, paranormal accounts, and this little thing called The Lord of the Rings. However, in spite of all this "other reading" I was doing, I was still curious about Harry Potter.

This leads us to seventh grade, when I committed theft.

At this point in my life, I had an elitist attitude towards anybody who read Harry Potter, and literally bullied them to make myself feel better. This of course was to cover my insecure tracks because in reality, I really, really wanted to read Harry Potter. Late in seventh grade, I simply couldn't take it anymore. 

It was study hall, and half of us were reading, the other half was talking, and then there was me, masterminding my heist. For the past 3 periods that day, I was stalking a fellow classmates' copy of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, and I knew I was eventually going to steal it...I just didn't know when or how. But my opponent got up, and left my prize alone, unattended. I quickly switched into attack mode, and swiftly snatched up that book with one hand and jammed it as far down my backpack as possible with the other. 

So there you go, even in spite of not reading the second book in the series, I read that entire novel in a day in a half. The really funny part was that I read it in the very study hall I stole it from, I simply put a book cover over it. After finishing the book, which I generally enjoyed, I felt guilty about having it, so I really didn't have a desire to continue reading Harry Potter, and that was the final iteration of it that I ever attempted to consume. From that summer on, I went back to my old ways, belittling people who liked the series, and eventually the films. It's only fitting that the only film adaptation of the series I ever watched also was Azkaban, which I felt inclined to see, but after viewing it, I really lost all interest in keeping up with the web of deception I created.

You may be wondering why I'm coming clean like this. Allow me to elaborate. I actually ran into the guy I stole this book from at a bar recently, and I realized that if I were to ever see him again, especially under the influence of alcohol, I would probably feel compelled to embarrass myself publicly, so let's avoid that. 

And more importantly, I really feel this story is quite entertaining.

Mike Slinde, I'm sorry I stole your damn book. If you want it back, let me know.

Harry Potter is the most over-rated series of all time.