An actual email I sent to Sprint Telecommunications

Dear Sprint, 

My name is Jesse Zakshesky, and I am the proud owner of the Nexus S 4G Android smartphone, and I pay approximately $70/month on my unlimited data plan, for which you require to even own an Android smartphone. I also live in Madison, Wisconsin, a fairly tech-savvy city with approximately 561,505 people in the metropolitan area. It's the state capital of Wisconsin, and hosts a nationally renowned university.

A lot of people use technology here. How come I have no service in my bedroom?

I'm currently writing this email from my bedroom. If I look to my left, I see a door leading outside to a small area where my grill resides. I have service there.

If I walk to my right and sit down on my chair in my living room, I have service there.

However, right now, I'm looking at my phone and I have a triangle icon at the top panel, which represents the following scenario:

You have lost data connectivity.

This problem has never occurred until about a month ago. If for some reason my bedroom has suddenly become a cave, I would understand. However, upon further analysis, I just see a lot of dirty clothes and drywall, and if I'm not mistaken...a window.

You should probably fix this. If not, I'll strongly consider terminating my contract, and jumping ship to the guy shown below if necessary.

Contracts were meant to be broken.

Update on Friday, June 24, 2011 at 9:15PM by Jesse Zakshesky

For those of you who actually care, my newly-purchased HD Antenna apparently is causing UHF interference with my cell phone.

My bad, Sprint.

My quarter-life crisis

Nine years ago, I made arguably the biggest mistake of my life. It was a decision I made out of desperation because at the time, my only source of income was my allowance that I was given to be my parents' indentured servant (aka: Son) and perform such tasks as mowing lawns, shoveling snow, and doing dishes poorly. At this time, I became enamored with this new-fangled toy known simply as a Gameboy Advance. To pay for it, I sold my Super Nintendo and my large collection of the finest games ever created. This was easily my single greatest blunder to date.

With the exception of Halo, Gears of War, and the ability to trash talk prepubescent males over the internet, deep down I'm still a Nintendo fanboy and I really feel the need to get back to my roots. 

In all honesty, I'm no longer good at competitive FPS and Madden, and because of this fact, I retired from online gaming. My Xbox 360 is simply a means for me to watch Netflix, Hulu, ESPN 3 and other various forms of media.

I recently was at a used video game store with a friend of mine, and seeing the classic Nintendo section caused a nostalgic swell in my heart.

• Mario Bros
• Mario Kart
• Mario Golf
• Mario Party
• The Legend of Zelda
• Star Wars: Rogue Squadron
• Super Metroid
• Donkey Kong Country
• Jungle/Desert Strike
• Pitfall
• R-Type

The fact that I no longer have access to the list of aforementioned games has led me to illegally downloading emulators on my computer, but the experience isn't simply the same as holding a Dorito-covered controller in my hand at 1am.

I would like to take this opportunity to proclaim to my friends, family, roommates, and the miscellaneous Portuguese citizens that seem to love my website that I will soon be making visits to eBay and various retail outlets to rekindle a lost flame from my youth, and not only will be purchasing a Super Nintendo, but once again will be powering up my Nintendo 64 as well.

We so excited.

My Guilty Pleasure

I don't have desire to pay for cable, so generally I watch all of my television via Netflix or Hulu. However, the only problem with this decision is that I miss out on a lot of new content, and typically will only see things months later because of rampant word-of-mouth. This has lead me to watching quite a bit of television at my parents' when I come over to eat their food and nap on their couch on my Sunday afternoon visits.

For the past few weeks, I have been watching A LOT of History Channel, and more specifically one of their newer dramas:

Simply unbelievable.Here is the basic premise of Swamp People according to Wikipedia:

Swamp People is a documentary television series on the History Channel that follows Cajuns living in the Atchafalaya River Basin swamp in Louisiana, USA who hunt American Alligators for a living. The series premiered August 22, 2010 and set a ratings record for History.

Alligator season in Louisiana begins on the first Wednesday in September and lasts 30 days. In this time limit, many of the alligator hunters, following a tradition dating back 300 years, earn most of their yearly income in a high risk vocation dependent on experience and the whims of weather within strict regulation by wildlife laws. 

I'll be honest here, the reason why I have taken a liking to this show is simple:

• Cajuns.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats attempting to shoot alligators.
• Cajuns who have awesome accents carrying firearms in boats attempting to shoot alligators while swearing heavily.

I urge you to do yourself a favor and watch at least ONE episode of this rediculous show.

My Changing Body

For over a decade, I've had the "skill" of being able to fluctuate my voice enough to be able to mimick pop songs. Such favorites included:

• Nelly - "Hot in Herre"
• Jessica Simpson - "A Public Affair"
• Will Smith - "Here Come the Men in Black"

Last night however, while driving home, I discovered that the days of my falsetto voice being able to carry any tune may unfortunately be over. This troubling fact can only mean one thing:

I, Jesse Zakshesky, 1.5 months away from my 23rd birthday, am going through puberty.

He and I are sharing more and more similarities as the months go on.

What I Learned Tonight

You have been warned.