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In terms of career success, Josh Hamilton is the best offensive player in his league. Darvin Ham hasn't been heard from in 3 years. As a matter of fact, this very article you're reading, right now, is the only time in recorded history that both Darvin Ham and Josh Hamilton have ever been mentioned in the same sentence before. Ever.

I made a quick chart to compare them:

Somewhere, Chris Berman is jealous that he didn't come up with this nickname himself.With that being said, Darvin Ham was dynamic enough to at least gain some national exposure, in Milwaukee of all places, because of one simple fact.

The dude could dunk.

During one of the few times that the Milwaukee Bucks played a game on national TV in the early 2000s, Darvin Ham stole the ball away from Allen Iverson, ran past Dikembe Mutombo's oblong body, and dunked violently enough that Marv Albert screamed:

Darvin just served Philadelphia a Ham Slamwich."

Since that moment, being a fan of this dude was the only reason I even liked the Milwaukee Bucks, and why I followed his career vigilantly after. (Which meant I had to watch Detroit Pistons games. It sucked.) Naturally, I was a little pissed off when I heard some moron on ESPN referring to one of Hamilton's home runs as a "Ham Slamwich." 

I just realized how incredibly stupid this article is. Enjoy the two videos below. I mean, the dude breaks a glass's pretty badass.

I really can't believe I just spent 35 minutes of my life documenting Darvin Ham's career.


I've officially eaten at Parthenon Gyros too many times

Anybody who knows me personally understands that I have an insatiable addiction to Parthenon Gyros. Not only is the food sublime, but the Europop is second to none. 

Long story short, my Shazam app has gotten A LOT better at identifying international hits. 

WARNING: This song is EXTREMELY catchy and likely will be stuck in your head until you wake up tomorrow morning.


Earth Day

That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every “superstar,” every “supreme leader,” every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there — on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.

Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand. It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known."

-Carl Sagan

“We are all connected; To each other, biologically. To the earth, chemically. To the rest of the universe atomically.”

As members of the human race, we call this chunk of rotating rock, fire, and ice home and we should realize how amazing Earth is EVERYDAY, not just April 22nd.

I'm sorry. The sole purpose of this article was for me to find a way to post these witty videos without sounding unintelligent and shortsighted.


Why I love St. Patty's

I'm not Irish, but I love the music associated with its culture.

a drink to peace between the nations from recordbodycount on 8tracks.

"To me it looks like a leprechaun to me, all you got to do is look up in the tree. Who all seen the leprechaun say yeaaaa!!"

I wanna know where da gold at.

I'm sorry, I couldn't resist.



An Open Letter to Checkers and Rally's Hamburgers, Inc

Until the age of 9, I lived in the Tampa-St. Petersburg-Clearwater Metropolitan Statistical Area. With the exception of a few friends and family members, the temperate tropical weather, and frolicking away aimlessly at the beach, it's safe to say that my parents' decision to move me up to Madison, Wisconsin was the finest decision they could have ever made with regards to my upbringing. The opportunities presented in the Midwest compared to what I would have been familiar with down in Florida are literally night and day. However, once every couple of months or so, I find myself yearning with lust and desire.

There is a fast food chain known simply as Checkers that is very prevalent in my former homeland. These restaurants serve the best fries that have ever graced my lips, and as great as the food is up here in Wisconsin, nothing quite compares.

Until the Summer of 2009, I was under the impression that the only opportunities I would ever have to taste the delectable grease that Checkers has to offer would be if I were to vacation down in the South. However, 2.5 years ago my life changed when I was told that there are in fact two locations in the Milwaukee metropolitan area. To put it bluntly, I ate A LOT of Checkers that glorious summer. Be that as it may, I was a lot older then than when I was 9, and was more informed about social demographics. What I'm trying to say is this:

To eat at Checkers, I have to travel to impoverished areas, literally festering with crime and narcotic use.

I would risk my damn life for these fries, Yo.

It is not my intention to sound like a complete douchebag, but I was raised in an extremely sheltered community in the suburbs of Madison, Wisconsin, one of the most progressive cities not only in the Midwest, but in the entire country. To the best of my knowledge, I did not grow up around crack deals, shootings, and prostitution rings. It's definitely a culture shock when I roll up to the drive-thru craving burgers, naively oblivious to the fact that I get to go back to a safe community in a matter of hours, while the majority of the customers and employees do not share the same fate.

In the past three years, both recreationally and traveling for my job, I've encountered three Checkers locations in Wisconsin. Since I'm a complete nerd who takes my desire for hedonism too far, I did a little research. Both Checkers and Rally's are owned by Wellspring Capital Management, and I have a simple, selfish request to ask them:

Please open more of these fine establishments in safer areas that I feel more comfortable visiting with friends and family. Seeing crack being smoked and women selling their bodies makes me feel awkward while I'm stuffing my gullet with burgers, wings, and fries.

Yours truly,

Jesse Zakshesky