Search
Social Services
Navigation
Currently Obsessed With:

Twitter Feed
Thursday
Aug152013

Let's go inside the mind of a Greg Jennings

The following three facts are indisputable:

 

  1. Greg Jennings: He is single-handedly the "most best offense in Madden history."
  2. Darren Sharper: Once considered the "most hardest hitting" free safeties in the league. (2016 UPDATE: MOST HARDEST HITTING RAPISTS)
  3. Ryan "The Real 25" Grant: The quintessential work horse running back.

This video is not only a great remix to the sensational work by DemetryJames86, but is quite possibly my favorite hip-hop song of all time.

 

Thursday
Jul252013

Exploring Space: Cosmic Revolutionaries

Tuesday
Jul092013

The Muffuletta Sandwich: A Tribute

Via Wikipedia: 

A traditional style muffuletta sandwich consists of a muffuletta loaf split horizontally and covered with layers of marinated olive salad, mortadella, salami, mozzarella, ham, and provolone. The sandwich is sometimes heated to soften the provolone."

After doing extensive research, I discovered that this incredible sandwich made its debut at Central Grocery, a New Orleans speciality market which opened in 1906. As is the case with most larger-than-life sandwiches which have become mainstays amongst their fans for generations, the Muffuletta was conceived to feed very hungry individuals from a wide selection of ingredients. Central Grocery's owner at the time, Salvatore Lupo, noticed that some of his regulars struggled with deciding on their usual lunch of bread, salamis, cheese and olives. To avoid this conundrum during busy hours, he devised the idea to combine them all into one sandwich. Because such engineering would require immense structural integrity, Salvatore Lupo realized that simply choosing wheat bread would be a complete disaster, but also understood that using toasted Italian bread would be too difficult to bite into. As a remedy, Mr. Lupo looked elsewhere...to muffeletta bread.

A muffeletta is a round Sicilian sesame bread, typically 10 inches in diameter, and sometimes flattened to make handling easier.

Until the 1960's, The Muffeletta Sandwich (as it became to be known), mostly remained popular only to residents of New Orleans. However, around the same time that Neil Armstrong made his first "small steps," these sandwiches became quite popular in various Italian communities across the country, most specifically the Chicago and New York markets.

On a personal note, my first taste of a muffeletta sandwich (albeit a variety that isn't completely accurate with Salvatore Lupo's creation) took place at Schlotzsky's Deli. First founded in 1971, Schlotzsky's has been offering their take of the sandwich -- known as The Original -- for over 40 years. My dad first took me to a Schlotzsky's Deli in 1998, and I have been a fan of The Original ever since.

However, if you ever find your self in N'awlins, I strongly urge you to make your way to Central Grocery to taste a sandwich that has been delighting customers for the past century. I did so myself back in February of this year, and it was a true honor and privilege.

DISCLAIMER: While I'm not being paid to write this article, I would endorse some sort of reward for doing so. Perhaps a free sandwich?
 

Obligatory food porn.

Tuesday
Apr022013

Jesse Zakshesky: April Fool

It may come as no surprise to any of you that April Fools' Day, the (unofficial) national holiday our country celebrates every spring is one of my favorite days of the year. While I admittedly don't play many pranks on my friends and family, largely because it's usually me -- one of the most gullible people to ever walk the earth -- who is typically at the forefront of such shenanigans.

For the past thirteen years or so, companies and organizations that I rely upon everyday have used April Fools' Day as a means to make fun of themselves. Most recently, Netflix has started taking part in this tradition. For quite some time, Netflix has had specific genres to categorize the content that they offer to their instant streaming customers. Over the years, some people, such as me, have made fun of them for creating categories such as "Raunchy Dysfunctional Animated Comedies." While such categories makes finding the latest episodes of South Park extremely easy, my friends and I have enjoyed watching these genres evolve the past couple of months. 

Allow me to explain why I should never make fun of Netflix ever again.

Not necessarily noticing what Netflix was trying to pull, I posted that tweet. A few hours later however, I found myself doing a double take towards my television.

Seriously, don't watch this shit.

After confirming that Netflix's 2013 prank was to create implausibly specific categories, I realized that I wasn't going insane (see above statement about being one of the most gullible people to ever walk the earth) and decided to immediately stop what I was doing to watch this movie. For those of you who haven't heard of the film, Stop! Or My Mom Will Shoot, "Some Other Guy" was actually Sylvester Stallone. The idea of the mother-son slapstick comedy between Estelle Getty (best known for her portrayal of Sophia Petrillio from The Golden Girls) and Stallone honestly seemed like a decent premise, so I decided to stop watching Opening Day baseball and throw Netflix a bone for a job well done.

That was a mistake.

With the exception of Estelle Getty, who put this production on her back with her adorable little mannerisms, this was the worst movie I've ever seen. In all honesty, this piece of trash COULD have had a chance to be redeemable for children and families because it does, to an extent, promote good family values. Those family values were immediately lost at around the twenty minute mark, when this happened:

Estelle Getty's character, an elderly widow and loving mother, illegally purchased an uzi machine pistol from the back of a van.

Via Wikipedia

The film received extremely negative reviews and retains a 4% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, based on 23 reviews. The film found more success on VHS and DVD. (Sylvester) Stallone claimed it was the worst film he ever made. In an interview with Ain't It Cool News, Stallone referred to it as "maybe one of the worst films in the entire solar system, including alien productions we’ve never seen", that "a flatworm could write a better script", and "in some countries – China, I believe – running [the movie] once a week on government television has lowered the birth rate to zero. If they ran it twice a week, I believe in twenty years China would be extinct."

Let's see what Siskel and Ebert had to say:

I don't know what makes me a bigger April Fool: Falling for Netflix's joke or spending 87 minutes of my life watching this atrocity.

Tuesday
Feb192013

Mall Walkers: An American Epidemic

via Wikipedia:

Mall walking is a form of exercise in which people walk or jog through the usually long corridors of shopping malls. Many malls open early so that people may mall walk, however stores and other such facilities generally do not open at this time. Many choose to mall walk as the indoor climate is comfortable and there is easy access to restrooms.

Mall walking is undertaken individually, in groups, or as part of an organized mall walking program. Mall walking in the United States is especially popular amongst senior citizens."

I was recently in dire need of brake service for my car. Seeing as though I have had great luck with Sears Automotive over the years with regards to walk-ins because of their flexible hours, and because they are typically within close proximity to shopping malls, I chose them because I would have somewhere to go for a few hours while I await the eventual return of my car keys.

It was very early in the morning, and I was in desperate need of food. After confirming with the Sears associate that the food court was in fact open at 8am, I made my way towards the smell of what appeared to be a nourishing breakfast.

In all actuality, the only venue open at such an hour is McDonalds, so my desire for a "nourishing" breakfast never came to fruition.

However, I gathered up my coffee and McGriddle combo meal (which to this day, the science behind these things baffle me) and sat down amongst an incredibly old crowd. Let me say this:

On this particular morning at this particular mall, I was the youngest person by about 35 years. While eating my breakfast, I happened to look around, and saw hordes of senior citizens power walking around me, almost as if they were planets orbiting a sun.

I was absolutely astounded. I literally counted 25 elders in all directions of me. Furthermore, many of these people were wearing Under Armour, sneakers, and wind breakers. These folks actually come to malls during the early morning hours to physically enhance their aging bodies. 

Work them glutes, ladies.

After my breakfast, I still had plenty of time to kill. I decided I had reached the point in my life in which it was time for me to experience mall walking.

It was truly a liberating experience.