Last Sunday: The day I almost burned my house down

I typically go home on Sundays for 3 reasons:

1. I can't cook
2. I love football
3. My parents are pretty tight

My parents made a delicious steak dinner, and after experiencing #1 and #2 on the above list, I decided that I would be "the good son" and offer to do some dishes while they left to run some errands. Doing dishes, as annoying as it may be, really isn't that bad of a chore, however, I really wanted to watch football (actually, I just wanted to see Chad Ochocinco and Cedric "Crack Rock" Benson), and decided instead to do a half-assed job. With my hurry to get back to watching that game, instead of soaking the pan with hot water which is normal protocol, I thought it would be beneficial to put a little water in the pan and place it on my stove over high heat. 

In retrospect, this wasn't the wisest choice.

Not only did I make that mistake, I also really had to go to the bathroom, and left the kitchen for about 5 minutes.

This mistake just got A LOT worse.

After "doing what I had to do" in the bathroom, I hear what sounds like an EKG machine going haywire. I open the bathroom door to see the house that I spent the last 7 years of my life under a cloud of smoke. After my internal thoughts filled with vulgarities, I somehow remembered my 4th grade fire safety seminar tips (which is surprising because back then, I usually fell asleep, or launched spit wads at girls who I thought had cooties) which told me to smother the fire with baking soda. After I find our baking soda, I rip open the box and quickly pour it over the fire. Looking back on it however, I poured that baking soda A LITTLE TOO QUICK because I got it all over me. Covered in white powder, I thankfully put out the fire. That wasn't the end of my problems though. My next step was to get rid of the smoke, and quite frankly, I was eager to do it before my parents got home. "Adults" normally don't burn down houses, so I really wanted to avoid that fun discussion. Unfortunately for me, as I was swiftly opening doors and windows, my dad walks in, sees a roomful of smoke, and his kid covered in white powder.

Dad: "Jesse, we were gone for 30 minutes, what happened?"

Jesse: "Nothing much, just almost burned the house down, no big deal."

If you ever want me to cook for you, or to do your housework, let me know.

Long Island Iced Tea: My drink of choice

I would like to take this opportunity to formally announce to the world that I, Jesse Zakshesky, at the ripe age of 21 years old, can safely say that I have finally found the crowned jewel of alcoholic beverages, a drink that I anticipate enjoying for the duration of my life, and friends, that drink would be a refreshing Long Island Iced Tea.

For those of you who have yet to experience one of these delectable delicacies, here's the entire wikipedia article for you to gaze upon:

A Long Island Iced Tea is a highball made with, among other ingredients, vodka, gin, tequila, and rum. A popular version mixes equal parts vodka, gin, tequila, rum and triple sec with 1 1/2 parts sour mix and a splash of cola. Most variants use equal parts of the main liquors but include a smaller amount of triple sec (or other orange-flavored liquor). Close variants often replace the sour mix with sweet and sour mix or with lemon juice, the cola with actual iced tea, or add white creme de menthe; however, most variants do not include any tea, despite the name of the drink. Some restaurants substitute brandy for the tequila.

The drink has a much higher alcohol concentration (~28%) than most highballs because of the proportionally small amount of mixer. Long islands can be ordered "extra long" which signals the bartender to even further increase the alcohol to mixer ratio.

Outside of the United States, this highball is often altered, due to the unpopularity of sour mix^{[citation needed]}. Long Island Iced Tea served outside the States is often made of liquors and cola alone (without sour mix), with lemon or lime juice, orange juice or with lime cordial.

In the UK Angostura bitters replaces sour mix in the cocktail.

You can also buy a premade mix at any liquor retailer, sold by Captain Morgan. However, as my roommate Eric can attest to, they are supposed to be mixed with actual ice tea or soda, with a little sour (typically lemon juice). Apparently the way I drink it, which is to pour a large glass, and adding some ice, is not appealing to him.

Eric: "My god, that tastes like paint thinner."

If you are like me however, you will fall in love with this tantalizing drink, and will want to make it at home. The short video below shows you how.

My first (of many) rant(s).

It's 3:30am and I'm sprawled out in my amazingly comfortable bed with a stomach full of cereal. One would think that the next justifiable activity that I would partake in would consist of me drifting asleep and having dreams about unicorns or some such nonsense. Unfortunately for me, instead of unicorns running through my head, I have another childish fantasy engulfing my mind. The truth is, I'm laying here listening to my next door neighbor compare  the breast sizes of his ex-girlfriend and his 3rd grade teacher...LOUDLY. Don't get me wrong, this kind of intellectual comparison is very interesting to me, and normally, I would be all ears. Right now however, I'm more inclined to vandalize his doorway with oversized bras.

The Journey Begins

The handsome devil you see here is a man who's opinions you will count on for years to come.

After months and months of deliberation, Jesse Zakshesky is finally on the internet. After a period of uncertainty, I finally broke down and bought the rights to zakshesky.com and feel pretty good about it. The only things that were keeping me back from embarking on this endeavor was cost, but I only spend about $130/year on this precious project (I highly recommend GoDaddy and Squarespace). Initially, I wasn't sure what it was that I wanted to do with this domain, but I ultimately decided it would be an interesting idea to use it as a means to publicize things that I want to share. These things include but are not limited to:

• My opinions
• My experiences
• Links to webpages that interest me
• My resume for employers
• Nude photos of myself

This website is by no means complete, and still has some work to do. In the future, I'm looking into the possibility of adding more content such as:

• Photos
• Videos
• Flash Intro
• Online Store
• Message Board

You may be asking yourself, "Who is this Jesse Zakshesky person, and why should I read the blog of a man who sounds so self-centered and conceded?" To answer your question, I personally find myself straight up hilarious, and I always make myself laugh, which is all I really care about. As you will read in the disclaimer, I'm not making this site for any particular reason, just simply as an online journal that is really only meant to be fully understood by one person: Jesse Zakshesky. However, as a fan of technology, politics, sports, and pop culture, I feel that I bring a unique sense of humor to these topics and hypothesize that after reading what it is that I have to say, I'm confident you will get a chuckle or two out of your experiences with this spectacular website.

Since you are still reading my maiden blog post, it's obvious to both of us that you are already hooked, and will be a loyal follower of mine for years. To reward your dedication, I offer you the gift below.