A couple days ago, my buddy David and I were at The Pizza Oven, a Monona, Wisconsin gem that just so happens to serve the best pizza I have ever eaten. It's a bold statement, but I would also like to point out that I've eaten A LOT of damn pizza in my life.
Now that I've gotten my promotional considerations out of the way, let me get to the guts of this story. David and I realized after looking around the place, that the walls are completely filled with sports memorabilia, from the likes of the Green Bay Packers and Brett Favre to other nationally themed tributes, such as Tiger Woods, Mark McGwire and Jim Brown.
At this point David asks me, "You know what would be awesome? What if instead of basically worshiping these people for all of their athletic achievements, what if a restaurant instead put up framed pictures and news articles of all their scandals?"
A revolutionary idea was conceived.
Imagine this: It's Saturday night, and you want to watch the game. You and your buddies walk through the doors of a sports bar to see walls filled with Michael Vick and Tiger Woods. Any "normal" establishment would focus primarily on Michael Vick's days as a NFL phenom or Tiger Woods' dominance in golf.
Not here. Oh, and from this point forward, "here" is now known simply as The Bloody Glove. The Bloody Glove would have an entire wall filled with pictures of Tiger Woods' bruised face, a collage of all women he allegedly slept with, and probably a TV with which I will loop his voicemails to these women and have them transcribed so you, as the customer, can enjoy the downfall of a man who used to be the face of golf, but now has problems even qualifying for tournaments.
We've covered Tiger Woods, but what other athletes could we exploit? I've conveniently made a list of some of the walls David and I plan on having in this restaurant. And yes, there are going to be A LOT of walls at The Bloody Glove. It'll actually be the most architecturally pleasing establishment you've ever been to.
- Brett Favre: Vicodin addiction, alcohol abuse, maybe some retirement drama for good effect.
- Michael Vick: Dog Fighting, airport bong seizure, giving fans the middle finger.
- Barry Bonds: Steroids. A LOT of steroids.
- Roger Clemens: Refer to Barry Bonds.
- Dennis Rodman: I don't even know where to begin.
- Plaxico Burress: Guns don't shoot people, Plaxico Burress shoots people...most notably himself.
- OJ Simpson: "If the glove don't fit, you must acquit." In case you haven't realized yet, that very glove mentioned in Johnnie Cochran's memorable quote is the namesake for this amazing restaurant.
- Michael Phelps: DUI, bong photo.