In the highly unlikely scenario where you find yourself asking:
Hey, I wonder what that Jesse Zakshesky fellow has been up to...I should read his blog to find out!
...the following two trailers should properly explain why I haven't even logged into this stupid website in a month.
Normally I would go on a half-witted attempt to sound somewhat intelligent or funny, but you should really go to wherever it is that you get your video content, likely listed below, and pass out on your couch for a few weeks.
Netflix (If you haven't cancelled your membership yet)
Hulu (If you enjoy ads from Kraft foods)
Blockbuster (LOL!)
Illegal underground torrent trackers (You likely already downloaded these videos, whether you meant to or not.)
Google Wallet is a mobile payment system developed by Google that allows its users to store credit cards, loyalty cards, and gift cards among other things, as well as redeeming sales promotions on their mobile phone. Google Wallet uses near field communication to "make secure payments fast and convenient by simply tapping the phone on any PayPass-enabled terminal at checkout."
Seeing as though I'm a technology enthusiast, I decided it was time to give this a test run. Once I installed and set up the application on my phone, I discovered something beautiful in the confirmation email they sent me:
As a thanks for your early interest, we’ll give you $10 on the Google Prepaid Card if you activate it in Google Wallet by the end of the year.
Not only am I a technology enthusiast, but I'm also an enthusiast of sitting on my ass, drinking beer, and watching football.
I did a quick search via zip code to see which retail establishments in my area support this sort of transaction, and I found the following:
FYI: I like Einstein Bagels as well.
Suffice it to say, location "A" was looking the most promising for the following reasons:
It gives me an excuse to visit the old corner-store from my old neighborhood. (REALLY BIG chocolate chip cookies!)
The lady who works there is kinda hot.
They have beer.
I walked in, verified that they do in fact have the necessary MasterCard PayPass terminals, grabbed my beer, flirted a little, finished my transaction, and vacated the premises with my free merchandise.
I won't be watching as much College Football as I originally planned.
Maybe I'll just go outside or workout more? One could only hope, because I'm going to have A LOT of pent-up energy on Saturdays.
Update on Monday, November 28, 2011 at 10:04PM by
Jesse Zakshesky
It's November 28th, 2011 at 10:00PM,
I, Jesse Zakshesky, simply cannot take it anymore. I need ESPN3 in order to survive. Tomorrow morning, I'm planning on cancelling my ResTech Internet service simply because they don't stream live sports. I'm about to commit to a 2 year contract with a company I hate, but the alternative; not watching Bowl Week and the upcoming NBA season is a reality that I can't live with.
Psychosis is a loss of contact with reality, usually including false beliefs about what is taking place or who one is (delusions) and seeing or hearing things that aren't there (hallucinations).
We all have strange dreams and/or nightmares from time to time. It's natural. But what I experienced last night was literally the most convoluted subconscious-adventure I've ever been on.
DISCLAIMER: YOU WILL BE LESS INTELLIGENT AFTER READING THIS.
Owner of Samba seemed a little private and quirky, so obviously I go up and introduce myself.
After 30 minutes of riveting conversation involving roast duck and mojitos, the owner invites me to a VIP party. (To the best of my knowledge, Samba does not host VIP parties.)
Upon arrival to VIP party, I realize I'm the only person in the room who is not an Al-Qaeda operative. Owner of Samba is actually Osama Bin Laden in disguise.
Owner of Samba, Osama Bin Laden, not too happy over the fact that a 23 year-old American is causing a ruckus about having dinner with terrorists.
Osama Bin Laden and various Al-Qaeda operatives chase me around downtown Madison to the State Capitol where a standoff takes place.
Authorities kill Al-Qaeda operatives, but Bin Laden escapes via waverunner and promises revenge.
It's a shame that Samba will never be quite the same to me ever again. That salad bar is top-notch.
According to my dreams, Abbottābad, Pakistan is actually located in the Midwest.
Thursday, January 19, 2012 at 10:09PM 
The sexiest pile of food you'll ever see.
Mmmmm, high cholesterol.
